


To Be Alone

by stolenshiney



Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson
Genre: Fluff, Gen, also snufkin is autistic in this bc im autistic and i dont understand nts, anyway rn its p much just snufkin, chap 4 is currently not a chapter but an a/n, dont let the title fool u s v happy okay, eventually moomin n snufkins rel could be read as romantic but rn it isnt and im nit good @ romance, i havent read the books since i was like 6 so blease forgive all inaccuracies, im ignoring that snufkin didnt know his parents bc, little my is a good older sister and yall can fight me, nature spirit snufkin au is finally here, no beta we die like illiterate lesbians, theres a lil hurt comfort ig? i dont wanna say much bc Spoilers or whaterever but, theres like v little ‘angst’ in this if any s mostly just fluff, why not ignore canon sometimes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-02-04 14:18:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18606247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stolenshiney/pseuds/stolenshiney
Summary: The forest called to him, yearned for him to fall into its arms and embrace his true home. Unfortunately, Snufkin isn’t very good at understanding the forests cries, or his own aching heart, and stubbornly stays where he is.Until one day, when the flowers that bloom in his steps seem to pull him further and further into the forest, and Snufkin leaves his house for the final time.





	1. Chapter 1

Snufkin was always a peculiar child, he was different from his siblings in many ways. Whilst they where loud and messy, Snufkin was quiet and clean - keeping his few possessions close and taking very good care of them. Though his cleanliness didn’t extend to his clothing, which where always coated in mud and grass from adventuring and exploring the garden, even this didn’t make him stand out. He was easy to overlook, in a sea of loud-mouthed and chaotic children, and as such it shouldn’t have been a surprise when he was accidentally forgotten in the middle of the forest.

He didn’t blame his mother, she had a lot of kids and he did have the terrible habit of wandering off, going deeper into the forest than he was supposed to - something about it just called to him, an ache in his chest he couldn’t ignore. Living inside, in a house with so many people, was suffocating in a way he couldn’t describe and the trees just made him feel safer and at home. Which isn’t to say that he didn’t love his ‘real’ home, with his mother and his siblings and the noise, he just preferred to be alone with only nature as company. Being in one place, living in a house, was uncomfortable and he always felt chained and stifled when inside - as though he was meant to grow up in the wild, around the flowers and trees and without the prison of walls.

So instead of wandering home, as he didn’t know where home was, he decided to explore the forest instead. Hands holding onto his too-big green hat, he stumbled carefully through the few piles of snow that where left and observed the change of seasons. Spring was just arriving, and as Snufkin walked through the forest, he noticed that the snow would melt beneath his feat and give way to grass and flowers that bloomed with his touch.

‘How odd,’ the five-year-old thought to himself, as he looked at a small flower struggling to breach the cold snow that surrounded it, before carefully scooping the snow out of the way and cradling the flower gently before letting go.

“Come on now, Little Flower. The snow is gone, and its time for you to grow.”

Nothing happened, as flowers don’t normally bloom on command. He touched it again, and in what seemed like a second there was a fully grown flower - and several smaller ones - in front of him. 

The boy wasn’t surprised, he tended to be very good with nature much to his mothers confusion, and he didn’t truly understand what he could do.

“You’re very pretty, Little Flower, though I suppose you aren’t so little anymore.”

The flower didn’t respond, but still Snufkin laughed.

“I suppose that is true, you aren’t quiet as tall as me and therefore you’re still a little flower.” He chuckled, his hat falling over his face as he fell to the floor and sat.

“I don’t suppose that you know the way home?” He asked, only to be surprised when a group of flowers appeared in-front of him and seemed to grab his hands.

“You do? That’s great, mamma must be very worried.” He said as the flowers pulled him forwards, down a vaguely familiar path, and out of the forest.

“Thank you very much!” He said, with a smile and a wave to the flowers, when he saw his mother frantically searching the outside if his home. 

“Oh no, where could he be. Snufkin! Snufkin!” She called, looking everywhere for him - she even looked inside his favourite logs, and up in the trees despite knowing that Snufkin doesn’t go up there all that often.

“Mamma!” He cried as he ran to her, small clovers and dandelions growing in his wake.

“Oh, Snufkin, I was so worried about you! Where where you?”

“I was in the forest Mama, and I had lost you, but the flowers showed me how to get home!”

“The flowers?” 

“Yes, they where very nice and lead me out to the house.”

“How did the flowers lead you here, Snufkin?”

“Well I just asked ‘em to, and they did. I said ‘I don’t suppose you know how to get home’ and they did, they did mama!”

“Alright, alright, I believe you Snufkin. Stranger things have happened after all, and I must thank the flowers for bringing you home. I don’t suppose they’ll want to come in for tea?”

“No, they don’t drink tea Mama, and they say they don’t need a thank you. I think they just like helping people.”

“Well then, they certainly are kind, aren’t they?”

“Yes! The kindest.”

“Thank you, flowers, for getting Snufkin back just in time for his dinner.” His mother said, as she shooed Snufkin into the house with a smile.

As soon as he entered the small, cozy, house and left the grass and mud behind him, the freedom the forest brung faded. Instead he was trapped again, away from the flowers and birds and trees, and Snufkin felt so very alone.


	2. Chapter 2

“Snufkin, dear, don’t wander too far! I know how you are, and I would rather you didn’t get lost again!” His mother called, just like she did everytime he left to explore.

“I will, don’t worry about me, the flowers can lead me back if they need to!”

“Of course, yes, well make sure they get you back in time for lunch.”

“Yes, mother,” he yelled back at her as he ran into the forest. 

The trees seemed to stretch towards him, branches reaching out to him as though welcoming him back. Snufkin held tighter onto the straps of his worn leather bag and smiled at the trees as he past - they where quiet good friends now, and Snufkin loved their constant company, and he even had flowers growing indoors now! The longing was much easier to deal with when he could simply go and talk to his plants.

His siblings found him odd, they didn’t understand his love for nature or why he was outside as much as possible, though Snufkin found them all odd too - how they could stay indoors for hours at a time and be content was something Snufkin could never understand. Its a matter of perspective, he supposes, but he was certain there was something off about Little My at least, but the good kind of odd... the same sort of odd as he was, but still very diffrent. She was loud and full of mischief like no other, and Snufkin loved it when she would show him small places to hide around the house - and in return, Snufkin would show her how he can make plants grow with only the touch of his hands, though she had to promise to never tell a soul.

He felt much braver when Little My was about, knowing that she would fight of any monsters that would hurt him even if she pretended not to care, and he felt that same bravery now as he stood in the forest and faced the trees. He wished that he felt so brave when he was alone.

“Hello,” he called. The trees said nothing back, but the wind jostled their leaves and for a moment it sounded like the forest had returned his greeting. Little My would say he’s hearing things, but Snufkin knows he isn’t- the forest often talks to him, even if he doesn’t always understand what it says.

“I’m going exploring, do you know any interesting places to explore?” He kept walking, talking to the life around him all the while. He stopped once or twice, to help a bee get to a flower or a bug that’d fallen from its home, but never for long, he only had until lunch to spend time in the forest and he wanted to see as much of it as possible. He needed to know his way around if he was going to ask his mother if he could be a wanderer, and to travel the lands - just like what his mother says his father does. He figures he gets the need to explore and be free from his father, though he isn’t quite sure if that is something that you can pass down. 

The trees where a constant, never changing and always there, even as the child ignored his mothers wishes and went deeper into the forest than he was supposed to. His foot got caught on a root and he fell over, straight into a small puddle. His coat was soaking, but luckily his face and hat had remained dry - he doesn’t know much about his hat, but he’s had it for a very long time and wants to keep it for much longer. 

He shrugs off his jacket and figures he has a while until lunchtime, and as such he builds a small fire to dry his dark-green coat on. His tail curls around him, slightly damp from the fall and drying itself near the fire, and Snufkin plays with the furry tip of it. Mother said it isn’t polite to fidget with your tail, but Snufkin doesn’t care much for politeness outside of his ‘please’s and ‘thank you’s. Even wanderers have to have manners after all, otherwise everyone they come across on their travels would hate them and that wouldn’t be much fun at all. 

So he played with his tail by the fire as he watched his coat dry, and felt more free than he had in a long, long, time. Of course this freedom had to end, as soon a branch poked him in the side and Snufkin knew it was time to head back. Last time he had been late home he got an ear-full from his mother and the quiet snickering of his siblings in response - and he really, really, didn’t want that to happen again. 

“Thank you for letting me stay here and try my coat, and for telling me it was almost time for lunch,” Snufkin said as he shrugged his, still slightly damp, coat on and tried to hide the disappointment in his tone. He’d always have to go back to the walls that seemed to cage him.

“Goodbye!” he called as he ran through the forest and back towards the house. Maybe he could beat Little My to lunch and steal her favourite place to sit? It certainly would cheer him up just a little, or maybe he could ask if he could eat outside again? Or if they could take another trip into the forest? Or maybe - 

Everything came to a halt when Snufkin saw his mother and tried to ask her all his questions, but instead he said the one thing he didn’t want to ask. Not yet, anyway.

“Mum, could I go travelling? Like dad did in all those stories?”

“Snufkin, you are much to young, just go inside and eat your lunch please.”

“But I hate being indoors, it makes me feel caged! I hate it!”

“Snufkin...”

“I’m going to start either way, I can’t stand living in a house and being confined to one place anymore. I need to see the world, please let me.”

“Snufkin, darling, you’re six years old. You’re a child, and children shouldn’t travel alone.”

“But I want to be alone, and I need the outdoors and the forest. The trees, and flowers and animals feel like home, just like the house does to everyone else. I don’t understand it, but something in me is pulling me towards the world outside of the houses walls. Please let me follow it.”

“You really are your fathers son,” she said with a wet laugh and a smile, “you can start tomorrow if you really must. I’ll find the tent your father left and pack your bag full of food and other things, but you must be careful. Now, come eat your lunch, okay?”

“Yes, Mama.” His heart felt a little less heavy, and the walls of the house seemed to mean nothing to him at that moment - for the first time ever, Snufkin didn’t feel trapped.


	3. Chapter 3

“Now be careful, and safe and don’t go off with any strangers even if they seem nice -“ his mother said, repeating the same warnings he had heard at dinner the night before “- oh and visit often, and come home if you need anything or -“

“I’ll be as safe as possible and i certainly won’t seek the company of others. Goodbye mother, I really must leave now whilst it’s still light outside.”

His mother pulled him into a final hug, her fingers clutching his coat tightly as she tried to cease the trembling of her hands. “Goodbye, dear. I love you, Snufkin.” 

“I love you too, mama.” He said with a wave and a small smile before starting his journey. He was a vagabond, a traveler, a wanderer now, beholden to no land or home. He could go anywhere in the whole world and there weren’t any walls to stop him!

“Where shall we go first,” Snufkin wondered as he stepped into the forest and started walking straight. Something, the same ache in his chest that had made a home in his yearning heart, pulled him forwards. It was easier to follow these sporadic bursts of instincts, to let the fates guide him for a moment before hijacking his own body and taking control. Besides, his instincts never got him into more trouble than he could handle and he was craving a little adventure anyway.

He walked aimlessly, stopping to look at any plant he wasn’t familiar with, staring at any worms he saw and screaming at the birds thats swooped down to try and eat them. His paws would brush against the moss on the trees, dirtying his claws by getting mud caught under them. A bee buzzed passed him, and Snufkin smiled to himself.

“The forest belongs to us all, and I’m glad you are sharing your home with me,” Snufkin said to his surroundings. He looked at the birds and squirrels in the trees, the bugs around him, and the flowers growing at his feet, before sighing contentedly and walking on. 

Eventually he came across a stream, with small rocks that could act like stepping stones going across it. The stones where too far apart for Snufkin to step onto, and much to slippery to jump onto.

“My this really is an adventure, I have no idea where I am, and I’m truly at a loss for what to do!” He cried, before sitting down and opening his bag, “Why I think I shall stop here for lunch, it seems to be around that time.”

He wiped his paws on his cloak, took out the bread his mother had packed him and stared at the fish in the stream as he started to eat his fish. “I should get a fishing rod.” He said, in the tone of voice that suggested that he had just solved his dilemma. He hadn’t, the stream was still in his way, but he felt like he had made a great revelation and that was enough for that moment. 

He ate his bread in silence, marvelling at how easy it was to hear himself think now that he didn’t have his siblings running rampant, and contemplated his actual dilemma. 

“I suppose I could walk through the water, but that would get my trousers wet and that wouldn’t be fun. I could try and jump across on the stones but then I might fall into the stream.”

He ate the final bite of his bread, picked up his backpack, and stared at the stream as through hoping that a miracle would happen. Luckily, one did.

As Snufkin stood staring at the stream, as though it had personally wronged him somehow, a large tree branch swooped down and began to form a bridge across the stream. 

‘What? How is this possible, trees don’t normally move like that... or at least I don’t think they do?’ He wondered, in awe as he saw the branch bend and create a path just thick enough for Snufkin to walk on without risk of falling into the cold water bellow.

“Thank you!” He said, as he walked across the bridge and onto the grass at the other side. The grass seemed to brighten, and the tree’s branch slowly returnee to where it was before - though it seemed less brittle, sturdier in a way that was seemingly impossible though since the whole situation was impossible Snufkin didn’t seem to notice. 

“I wonder how that tree could move? Can all trees?” He asked the frog sitting on a rock beside him, “You live here, surely you’d know if the trees could move. Maybe they are very sneaky, and thats why no one knows! No one except those who live here has ever saw a tree move, because they mightn’t have bothered to look. Do you have a name, Mr frog?”

The frog croaked, which was more of a response than anything else he’d spoken to.

“May I call you Funderburker? Mama said it’s impolite to never ask for someones name, though I suppose the same rules of politeness need not apply here. Which is good, I was never all that good at understanding what I should and shouldn’t do to be ‘polite’.”  
The frog croaked again, and Snufkin assumed that the frog was agreeing with his new name and not Snufkins rambling.

“You’re much better company than my siblings, Mr Funderberker, they’re all much too loud and they talk far more than I do! Oh, especially Little My when she wants something - I bet I’d be able to hear her from here!” He laughed, missing his sister just a little. He’d never go back, his day spent out in the forest was better than all those spent in a house combined, but it was hard for him to adapt now that she - or any of his family really - wasn’t there. He didn’t miss her pulling on his tail though.

“Well, I must be off, Mr Funderburker.” Snufkin waved, before continuing forwards. He had to find somewhere to put up his tent after all, and it wouldn’t stay light for much longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ys i wrote this to avoide thinking about my gaidhlig exam soon akkajajs, so its largely Coping Writing,,, whoops. also yes i named the frog after the frog in otgw :)!


	4. NOT A CHAPTER SORRY

Hi! My laptop broke :( so im having to rewrite everything I had & I just recently git a new phone after my old one also broke. im working on chap 4 but it might take a while, sorry :(. ill delete this when chap 4 comes out but i just wanted 2 keep yall updated even tho i dislike authors notes in the middle of books :/. anyway i hope yall are doing well!!! :)

**Author's Note:**

> i havent written in a year, and this is just me trying to set up the story. im an artist guys idk how to do the words right!


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